I am homesick. I didn’t want to admit it but it is a reality that I can no longer ignore. It’s a shame really. Most of New York City remains unexplored but all I want to see is the familiar faces of home. A part of me wonders if the stomach ache that I’ve had for the past few days is really just a manifestation of homesickness. Heartbreak and rejection often have physical symptoms so it isn’t a big stretch for a longing for home to turn into an upset stomach and general fatigue. We only have six more days left on this trip and all I can do is eagerly wait for the flight home. It’s a complicated feeling because I honestly want to explore every nook and cranny of this city but the comfortable familiarity of home is just more appealing to me.
I shouldn’t feel guilty about these feelings but I can’t help but regret not wanting to go out on an adventure everyday in New York City. While the others in the group plan long trips for everyday, I feel more inclined to just sit in a coffee shop and rest. I have yet to adapt to the fast pace nature of this city and I feel like I never will. All the hustle and bustle of the city can be overwhelming. Perhaps it’s the southerner in me that finds this endless movement exhausting. I can’t keep up with it, and so when people in the group go off on day long excursions, I remain back at the dorm.
What a terrible blog post this has turned out to be. I took a break from writing last night and returned to it the next day in the hopes that I would have more inspiration to write. I’m not sure that that inspiration is there. This isn’t a new problem for me either. I’ve been struggling with writer’s block for a long time now and I’m starting to wonder if it’s more of an excuse than an actual problem. What I really need to do is just sit down and write whatever pops into my head no matter how stupid it sounds, but I have yet to follow through with this plan. Every now and then I get struck with inspiration to write but I never fully explore these ideas. I write maybe a page or two but then I lose interest and stop writing for weeks on end. At least with these blog posts I am forced to write whether I want to or not. The post may not be the best work I have ever done but they are better than nothing.